o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
