I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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