Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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