apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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