I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
