After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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