This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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