Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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