Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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