I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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