so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
