Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
