i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
