Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
