pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize