At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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