My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
