mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize