Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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