Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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