I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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