he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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