You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
