why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
