ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
