chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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