my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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