just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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