What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
