Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
