i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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