i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
