Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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