Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
