He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
