I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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