You smell like stripper and shame
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize