Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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