we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
