There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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