if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ketchup is God's man juice
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
