i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
