Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
