I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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