she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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