I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
