I wish I could punch you in the face.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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