I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
