Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
