i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
