I need help removing her.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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