I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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