yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
