last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
