Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
