just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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