Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
