Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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