Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
