I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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