Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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