Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
