i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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