When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
