Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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