So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
