I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
