You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
