I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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