apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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