Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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